His Only Son

This past weekend we had the blessing of attending a ceremony that Aultman Hospital and Forest Hill Cemetery have each year for families who have lost a baby through miscarriage or stillbirth.  It was a simple ceremony.  They read the names of each child who passed this year, played music, prayed and released balloons with messages written to the little ones.  They also gave everyone bulbs to plant at home as little reminders that there are precious children waiting for us in heaven.  It was a wonderful way to honor our babies, and help healing continue for those who have experienced the pain of perinatal loss.
We are approaching the time when our baby boy would have been born.  He was due the end of October.  It is still hard to think about the life that was lost and to understand why things happened the way they did.  But I also feel so blessed, because I have the hope in what comes after this life.  As our pastor, Todd Shilling always says, "Eternity will be just a little bit longer than our time on earth." It is exciting to think that when Dustin and I get to heaven we will meet our son.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about and praying about that.  I wonder if he is a baby in heaven or if we all enter eternity around the same age.  I wonder if he knows who we are or if Jesus has told him about us.  I wonder if he knows my grandma and grandpa.  And if he knows how much we love him.
Thinking about him also adds a different dimension to my relationship with Ridley.  It makes me cherish him and give thanks for him even more (if that's possible), because I realize how fleeting life is.  We have two sons, but Ridley is our only one here.   It makes me want to be the best mommy I can, and to raise him to know the Lord, so he will spend eternity in heaven with his brother.
It has also made me think a lot about having an only child.  I am an only child and I never minded it.  I think it made me closer with my parents, because it was always just the three of us.  The hardest part is knowing that when my parents pass away, I will be all that's left of my family.  Thankfully, God has blessed me with Dustin's wonderful family, so I have brothers and sisters through him.
Dustin and I want to have another baby, but I honestly don't know if God has that in his plan for us.  Now, all we can do is pray for his will to be done, and for peace in whatever the answer may be.
But for now Ridley is our only son....those words bring to mind one person....Jesus.
I was reflecting this week on how much we cherish Ridley.  He is the light of our life.  He is the most important person in the world.  We love him so much, it almost hurts.  There are no words for that kind of love...it just is.  If we, as fallen humans know how to love that deeply, I wonder how much more perfect, pure, and deep the love of God is.  And not for me, but for his only son.
It is shocking when I really stop and think about what God allowed Jesus to do.  Jesus spent eternity in the glory of God's presence...he was his only son, yet he let him leave the perfection of heaven to come to this earth, live a life of suffering and die a cruel painful death.  I think about Jesus in the garden the night before his crucifixion, praying and begging God to find another way so he didn't have to endure the suffering, adding, "not my will, but yours".  And on that cross, God for the first and only time, turned his back on Jesus, as the punishment for my sins and the sins of all the world...I cannot comprehend it.  As a parent, can you imagine allowing that?  When we really spend time reflecting on this, and I suggest we all do, really stop and sit in silence and imagine it...allowing your only son to suffer and die that way.  All along you could stop it, but you don't.  Can you imagine the pain God endured watching that take place?  And it begs the question...why?
That my friends, is a tiny glimpse into how much God loves us.  He was willing to give that which was MOST precious to him, his son, to pay our price for sin so we could spend all eternity with them in heaven.  What a miracle!  What a gift!  It is beyond comprehension!  You are priceless in God's eyes.  Don't ever forget it.  Thank him everyday for that gift.  Don't let it just be a story from church.  Let's spend time really thinking about the sacrifice they both willingly endured for us.  And let's try to live in a way that shows them how much we cherish that priceless, unspeakable gift.